The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
