take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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