when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
