Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
