I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
