That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
