had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
