Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
