____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
