Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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