u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
