i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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