I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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