So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
