Yo dont text me then not text me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
