im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
