we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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