PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
