Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
