if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
