absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
