yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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