Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize