i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
