my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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