Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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