Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
