Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
