I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
