Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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