you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
