His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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