im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
