Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
