Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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