Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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