does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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