Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
