Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
