I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I am morally bankrupt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
