Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
