So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
