I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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