Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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