I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
