Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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