I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
