i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize