i think my mom watched the whole time
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
