I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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