do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
