VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
