remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
