Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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