I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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