just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
