I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
