She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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