i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
