I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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