come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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