Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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