totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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