Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
