I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
