Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize