I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
