im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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