Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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