I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
