pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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