I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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