The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
