She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
