Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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