Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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