Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
