dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
