It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
