period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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