I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
