Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
