I wanna bring you to show and tell
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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