Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize