I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
