dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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